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February 10, 2005

Making it Up—Story and Play
by Chris Byrne

Another Toy Fair is about to start in New York—the 103rd overall and my
26th. Thousands of people will be descending on the city in order to see
and sell what they are all hoping will be the best and brightest new
toys—the things that children throughout the country will be wishing for
when November rolls around.

On display will be everything from the simplest novelty item to the most
sophisticated electronic gadgets—things that wouldn't have even been
considered toys just a few short years ago.

Yet whether something is a high tech lifestyle product, like a video
camera designed for kids, or communication devices that make the old
string and tin cans look positively prehistoric, or a deck of cards, it will
not be the toy itself that gets kids wishing to own it, but the story they
tell around it.

Stories come in many shapes and sizes, particularly when it relates to
children and toys, and it is story that makes up the foundation of the
serious business of play, for it allows each of us to imagine different
solutions and to become ourselves. We can tell you countless stories,
like our friend Emily who at age 4 refused, for a time, to wear anything
but party clothes and insisted on being addressed as a Princess. The
context of her experience—her family—soon convinced her that she had
no royal blood and better snap out of it, but for the time it was very real
to her.

Parents of teenagers and early teens know that children will try on
different personas and styles and even language as they try to figure
out who they are. This is play in its purest form—the ability to imagine a
reality other than the one in which one is living.

But, when it comes down to it, all of us are living out stories we have
made up—or contributed to—and it is an indelible part of who we are.


The Role of Story

As humans, we are a species that relies on story to tell us who we are.
In fact, our political system, religions and even our individual identities
are founded in story. In this case, story should be interpreted as any
writing or oral tradition designed to give form to or define experience. In
that light, the U.S. Constitution is a story that our Founding Fathers wrote
to call the United States into existence. The Declaration of Independence
essentially created the idea of an independent union and provided the
basic tenets by which we still define ourselves as Americans. In light of
Christian teaching, it is the story of the resurrection of Christ that
provides one of the pillars of faith. In each case, what matters is not so
much the literal truth of any story but in the ways in which story gives
shape to existence. Because we tell ourselves we're Americans or
Christians or parents or professionals, etc., we behave in ways that are
consistent with how we define ourselves—the story we tell of our lives.

Story exists in every aspect of our lives—for both good and bad. Our
language has incredible power because through language we create
reality. A child who is consistently told that he or she is uncoordinated
and a poor athlete will very often believe that to be the case and either
give up or fail. Conversely, the child who appears athletically gifted and
creates the story—or language—that he or she can be a sports star has
more confidence and behaves in a manner consistent with the story. But
here's the amazing thing: Children whose stories can be changed can
create new and more positive realities for themselves.

To continue the athletic example, studies show that when children who
have been told they are uncoordinated are taught basic skills they need
and are told "You can," versus "You can't," their performance improves
dramatically.

If you watch children play, even the youngest children, you will quickly see
that story provides the basis of play. In younger children, that play is
often one of discovery of the world around them through experimentation
and exploration.

When a child is slightly older and has a sense of himself or herself in the
world, the story that guides play often switches to role-playing. Children
make up elaborate stories as they play, literally creating the world they
inhabit complete with elaborate rules. Recently, I observed a four-year-
old who in playing "store" created an entire scene about paying with a
credit card—something that she had obviously observed. This story
became the reality of the little girl's shopping experience and shows how
keenly young children observe and absorb the world around them.

Older children who play with action figures and use such characters as
Pokémon, and Batman or The Disney Princesses to inspire story-based
play create what becomes an inherent part of socialization and self-
definition. The bases of these stories—as well as such stories as
Spider-Man, Harry Potter and literary classics including the Narnia books
by C.S. Lewis—is to endow the child with special powers that allow him or
her to transcend everyday life. As we often say, at ages seven or eight a
child exerts little control over his or her life. (It's all about "Do your
homework," "Eat your peas," or, "Get in the minivan.") Yet this is a time
when a child is experimenting and trying to develop an identity separate
from the parents. It's no surprise that the worlds of Harry Potter and
Pokémon, for instance, have relatively few adults around, or when they
do they often have neither the wisdom nor the resources of the kids.

In these stories, children have a place where they can be in charge and,
through the fantasy, the child becomes the center of the story. They
imagine themselves as the heroes within the world of the story. Thus, a
boy or girl who "becomes" a Master Pokémon Trainer must understand
the spirit of cooperation, the relative talents of different individuals and
his or her role in the story. In groups, this allows children to try out
different roles, work through interpersonal dynamics and solve problems.

If you doubt that story shapes reality, try this simple exercise: Think of
someone who has angered you or upset you. Then, think of the things
you tell yourself about that person. Chances are, you'll begin to believe
that those things are true and act as though they are, whether or not the
story you're telling yourself has any basis in fact. We tried this exercise
with a group of adults who were dissatisfied in their current jobs. In one
case, a man had told himself that his boss had it in for him because of
some comments the boss had made in a meeting. He had convinced
himself that he needed to find a new job and was busy pulling his
résumé together. However, we encouraged him to first go back and ask
his boss about the comments. As it turned out, the boss had been trying
to make a joke and apologized for his inappropriate behavior. Our client
had imagined something, created a story about the situation and given
that story enough credibility that it shaped his actions and had a
significant impact on his self-worth.


What Story Teaches Us

As a tool for socialization, story in play is unsurpassed in its ability to
prepare children for more adult responsibilities. Hogwarts and the lands
where Pokémon dwell have their rules and regulations—and consequences
for not abiding by them—just as the adult world does. In the world of
Pokémon, you can't cheat and still evolve. In the world of Hogwarts, when
Harry, Ron and Hermione break the rules they invariably get into some
kind of trouble. There are also rules of fair play and a values system
unique to each environment.

To watch children play Harry Potter, Princesses or Power Rangers is, in
some cases, to understand how the rules or parameters of a story guide
the play—just as the rules of law govern society. Children are very precise
about the ways in which the story is interpreted into play and are vigilant
about protecting the integrity of the story. All of this prepares children to
live within a structured system while providing the freedom to create an
individual reality within the framework.

Of course, the most powerful thing story encourages children to do is to
use their imaginations. When the world of Harry Potter leaps off the page
and becomes fully realized in a child's mind, it lays the foundation for the
capacity for abstract thought, problem solving virtually anything a child
will do in his or her life. As humans, our imaginations are one of our
greatest gifts and most valuable assets. The ability to see something in
the mind before making it real in the world is an essentially human trait,
and whether it's building sand castles, playing games or giving life to any
accomplishment, it all starts in the imagination.


Toys as Totems

Oh boy, can I see you rolling your eyes at that one, but bear with me. A
totem is an emblem that defines a person as a member of a group. It is
an outward sign of an inward identification.

Action figures, stuffed versions of favorite characters and all kinds of toys
have a totemic power, particularly in social play because it identifies the
player. We see this throughout the culture, particularly in recent years, as
children define themselves as Pokémon or Yu-Gi-Oh players. The cards or
the toys are the totem that identifies them to other members of the clan.
A child who is into one totemic toy is unlikely to adopt another one,
though he or she will progress through a series of totemic playthings as
he or she matures. (Mattel has refocused the Barbie® brand specifically
to address this.)

At each stage of development, then, our toys (or totems) identify us. For
example, in the tween world, the cell phone and the iPod Mini are the two
most potent totemic possessions a young person can own. They are a
way of communicating a level of status to the rest of the tribe, and are
valued specifically, if not overtly, for that reason.

And don't think it stops with kids. Why do you drive the car you do? Live
in the place you do? Buy the foods you do? This is an elemental part of
being human in our culture, and children learn it at an early age.
Whatever the story being told, the toy (or in some cases expensive
electronic product) becomes a physical representation and shortcut of that
story.

Like our stories, our toys define us.


The Role of Parents and Caregivers

Given the power of story and the desire to express that story whether
through interaction or possession of the totemic product, parents and
caregivers play special roles in the lives of the children with whom they
interact. Remembering that story helps shape reality, it's important to
determine that the stories your children are participating in are consistent
with your values and belief systems.

At the same time, boys are naturally going to gravitate towards stories of
power and conflict—Power Rangers, some Pokémon, G.I. Joe, Yu-Gi-Oh
and others. Boys we interviewed, in fact, were much more likely to talk
about the fights and the competition when they discussed the Harry
Potter stories than girls were. (The girls were more interested in the life
of the school, and the problem solving and some of the magic.) It's
important to realize that "boys will be boys" and when guiding a child's TV
viewing, game playing or reading, the role of the parent or caregiver is to
provide the context for the story and ensure that a child understands the
difference between fantasy and reality. This can be a magical time of
interaction, where shared imagination can forge a closer bond with a child.

It's also important that the child take the lead in shaping the story when
playing with a parent or caregiver. You may be surprised at how truly
creative your children are—and what they notice about your behavior when
they're playing grown-up. The mother of the little girl mentioned earlier
had no idea that she made such a process of paying for groceries, for
example.

Most of all, it's important to allow children to engage in stories that allow
them to be the heroes, solve problems and try on various roles. With
your guidance and involvement, these stories will help shape adults who
are confident, socially well-adjusted, capable and appreciative of the
magic and power of human imagination.

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