Birthday Parties – Blowout Or Burnout?
by Chris Byrne

My friend Jennifer had a "birthday breakdown." She looked at her calendar and for the entire next month she realized that her eight-year-old son has at least one birthday party to go to every weekend–sometimes two.

It’s not that she minds playing chauffeur, though she now shares those duties with other parents. It’s not that she minds giving gifts. (In fact, Jennifer and Jamie pick one present to give throughout the month and buy a whole bunch at once, such as a marker set from Crayola.) What bothers Jennifer is that birthday parties have become so overwhelming and competitive that they don’t feel fun any more. And, Jennifer and Jamie aren’t alone. In fact, birthday parties have become highly stressful for all involved.

There has been a nationwide trend towards increasingly elaborate birthday parties, and parents feel pressured to compete to make their parties "the best." Some say they’re spending on average between $15 and $25 per child, plus another $5 — $10 for a goody bag. And that adds up. But they are also afraid to cut corners, or not invite every child in the class–or that the wrong goody bag could be a social disaster for a third-grader.

For younger children, birthday parties are the bulk of their social life–and an important time for learning and fun. They’re also the time to lay the foundation for good manners, such as saying thank you, writing thank you notes and being polite if a duplicate gift is received, or the gift isn’t wanted at all.

Here are some other tips that are working for Jennifer and others:

When Your Child Is the Guest:

• You don’t have to say "yes" all the time. While you probably will for kids in kindergarten through second grade, once children are about seven or eight they can start making choices about which parties to go to. It’s all right to say no, and it’s never too early to learn how to decline an invitation graciously.
• Give an appropriate gift, and let your child help select it. Don’t spend to try to impress the birthday child’s (or other) parents.
• Lend a hand–especially for younger kids’ parties. Parents won’t always ask, but if you can spare the time to help you’ll be a hero–and they may return the favor.

When Your Child Is the Host:

• Keep the focus on the child, and encourage your child to create the party. Even if she’s been to twelve Powerpuff Girls parties, if that’s what she wants, why not?
• You don’t have to invite every child. Many schools won’t let you distribute invitations at school if all the children aren’t invited, but that’s what the phone is for. (Plus, you can always send cupcakes to school for a classroom celebration if the teacher agrees.)
• Your only job is to make it fun for your child and his or her friends. Remember, it’s not a competition.
  

In keeping the focus on the child and the event, you can relax and enjoy the blow-out. And if you get occasional burnout? Hey, it comes with the territory.